Top Five FML Moments When You Are Pregnant and Have a Cold

Pregnancy is a blessing, growing a child is amazing, blah, blah…. **cough, hack, cough**. Guess what? When you are pregnant there is a lot to love and a lot to complain about. But if you are “lucky” enough to get sick when you are with child, the negatives far outweigh the positives and the little joys of maternity that get you through the worst of days take a backseat to the feeling of not only having the pressure of a living creature inside your belly but another entity that is small but with a more intense gestational period setting up camp in your head trying to prematurely escape through every orifice in your face. (Yes, that was a long sentence but this head cold doesn’t give a crap about me being pregnant so I could care less about run-ons, or my use of commas or semicolons right now).

Here are my top 5 reasons why having a cold while you are pregnant sucks:

1. You can’t take shit for your symptoms. You finally find time to get to the doctor and pray that the Strep test comes back positive just so they can prescribe you antibiotics and you can imagine some relief. But No.  Tylenol is ok, sure, but that doesn’t touch the headache and sinus pain exacerbated by the general discomfort you feel everywhere else. They say Benadryl is safe too but if you have a job, other kids, or anything that remotely needs to be accomplished, it is not happening after taking those two little pink zombie pills. 

2. You want to throat punch anyone, including the doctor, when they tell you “just to try and get some rest”. Depending on how far along you are, you are somewhere in between trying to balance morning sickness with your head cold (blow your nose or vomit or both) and having to hold onto your ginormous belly every time you cough or sneeze so you don’t feel like you just tore one of those infamous round ligaments or have given yourself a hernia. Plus if you already have kids you know you aren’t allowed to be sick anyway so why would it be any different when you are growing another child?

3. You can’t hydrate enough. Drink more liquids they say! This translates to: go ahead and buy a padded toilet seat because you will be peeing every five minutes if you actually try to take in as much water as necessary to keep yourself hydrated while your body tries to rid itself of all its moisture via your throat and nostrils.

4. You will pee yourself. Multiple times a day. Every time you cough, sneeze, try to salt water gargle without gagging, you will pee. Oh but don’t forget to hydrate!!!

5. Your other children don’t/won’t/can’t understand. Your sweet 3 yo daughter will make you a balogna, ketchup and cookie “sandwich” and tell you “It’s going to be alright Mommy”, and instead of appreciating the sweetness of her words and effort you will want to throttle her for interrupting the 20 minutes of quiet time your husband gave you to lie down and rest but you are too busy trying to keep from peeing yourself again while you gag at the plate of awfulness your child brought to cheer you up. 

I could probably think of more but I used my “go lie down and get some rest, babe” time to type write this and had such a bad coughing fit I may have to change the sheets.  

Mother of one, expecting another, CrossFit addict and My Little Pony wrangler.

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